Much More Than Weight Loss

I have been asked to share my weight loss story a couple of times lately, and having been "put on the spot," per se, I realized I really don't know how to explain my journey. I know what I "did," but right now all I really know to say is that it was "MUCH more than weight loss."

So, to try to find the words, I will start from the beginning:

...which, what does beginning even mean? 

 I recognized in 2nd grade that I was bigger than everyone else. I was inactive and I liked food. In a lot of ways, food was my joy, my reward, my social event... I didn't like being fat, but I was, and that became my identity. But the summer before my sophomore year of high school, a boy started showing me some attention (which I later learned was a "quest" or a dare, but that is beside the point), and I discovered that I enjoyed walking. I would walk and just think about this cute boy and get lost in it all, and while I still enjoyed eating--very much--I didn't have as much time to eat, and I think my "joy" was transferred (for at time) to this boy. I was really surprised when I could no longer wear size 16 jeans. I didn't realize I had changed at all, but buying size 7 was a lot more fun. I knew I felt better about how I felt in clothes, but I didn't realize or believe that other people could see a difference in me. I knew that to them--especially to the boys--that I was still a fat girl, fun to joke about, not worth their attention.

In my mind I was still fat.

Fast forward 7 years... After 2 babies and being able to bounce back weight wise while doing nothing more than walking and eating homemade meals with my family, I had almost begun to believe that I had served my fat time and that I had learned what it took to stay fairly trim, but then baby 3 came along... I developed an issue with my metabolism during this pregnancy, and I guess that was the main reason that "bouncing back" did not happen this time around.

I already knew how to be fat--I knew how to think fat, act fat, feel fat--so it wasn't much of an adjustment. On the outside, I tried to do everything I had always done to lose the weight, but on the inside I knew that fat was who I am. It wasn't hard to stop believing that anything would work--I just had to be happy with the fact that I was lucky enough to enjoy 7 thin years and settle for the real me. I already knew how to avoid social events and photographs...

I remember the exact moment about 10 years later when I became totally disgusted with what I had become. I don't need to go into the intimate details, but let's just say that I got an upclose graphic view of my thighs, and the realization that those were really MY thighs was simply NOT OK! I had let myself go too far!

About this same time, my family discovered nutrition on a whole new level. I won't talk about Isagenix here, but the superior nutrition found in their products has changed my family forever. My husband lost over 50 lbs right away. I lost 11--a good start--and I felt amazing. I had more energy and more desire to enjoy life. My joints didn't ache. I could sleep through the night... I was grateful for all of this, don't get me wrong, but I kept waiting for more weight to come off...

Then I discovered exercise.  The gym was not my favorite place to go, but walking was no longer doing it for me. I tried to train myself on the weight machines, but it didn't take long to realize I had no idea what I was doing.  I made myself hire--and scrape up money to be be able to afford--a personal trainer. She had room in a group that met at 5AM, 4 days a week. I was desperate, so I joined that early morning group. I was 35 years old, probably the youngest of the group, and most definitely the most out of shape. At first, I could only lift a PVC pipe. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have your trainer look at you after you attempt to do sit-ups and say "You really can't do that?" Yeah...that was me.

But I got stronger quite quickly; soon I was in love with weight training, and I was even running some--not loving it, but doing it! I felt better than I had felt in a really long time. I just knew that eventually I would see the weight come off, but it didn't happen. If I didn't feel so good physically, I would probably have given up all together. I had already given up emotionally--the hope to be thin was gone. I settled on feeling good--that's a blessing in itself, right?

Recap: realization, nutrition, exercise...first 3 steps...no success...

What happened next was strange and kind of hard to describe, but it can all be wrapped up into the recurring theme "You need to love yourself thin." Dr. Tony O'Donnell was the first to actually say this to me (or he was at least the first that I really "heard" say it.) I approached his table at an Isagenix convention, looking for some missing magic piece to my puzzle. He looked me right in the eye and said those very words to me.

"You need to love yourself thin." 

I hadn't even told him what I was looking for. He knew NOTHING about me, but he could see it. His words were so foreign, so abstract, but they sunk to my very core. On that same day--maybe in that same hour--I heard the words (or something to the effect) that "greatness is in Being, not doing."

These two simple messages stirred around in my head and then in my heart, and I believe they were the catalyst for what happened next.

What does "love yourself thin" look like? That was my first question, and whenever I would ask it of myself, I would hear "greatness in BEING, not doing." So...how does one just BE? I was raised to work hard, and "doing" is where I found success. I was addicted to "doing;"  I always found myself doing more and more to achieve the same satisfaction. The more I pondered this idea, the more I realized that I was losing myself in all the doing. I didn't really know "who I was" or what I enjoyed anymore. So I started there:

Who Am I?
Well, I am a mom to 5 beautiful kids. I am a lucky wife. I am (whatever my calling at church was at that time). I am a Heritage Makers consultant.  I am...

...A Daughter of God!  

Yes, that is the one thing I know for sure, the one thing I have always known and the one thing I have always leaned back on when struggling with something. If everything else were to be stripped away from me somehow, I would always still BE a daughter of God with "divine qualities that I strive to develop." I needed to remember and really process this one true statement so that I could LIVE what I believe. I began to study from the scriptures and from many other good books what this meant on a deeper level...

What Do I Enjoy?
I didn't think this was an important question, and since I didn't know the answer, I usually just ignored it. Suddenly it became very important to me to find the answer: WHAT DO I ENJOY?? I started with things I used to enjoy, and I discovered that most things had faded in their importance as I had matured, but two things still gave me chills when I thought about them: education and singing. I had recently started back to school, but I only had one toe in the water. All of my kids were in school full time or had graduated, so there was no excuse why I shouldn't just go for it. It was scary!!! But it didn't take long for that spark to grow back into the fire that it had once been. I also began taking voice lessons from Brodie Perry. www.brodieperry.com  He's amazing! Check him out!  This was a secret for a long time. I was kind of embarrassed to begin voice lessons at age 40. Who does that? But it was so freeing! I began to find my voice, both literally and figuratively. Before each lesson I would consider just not going back; this sometimes happens even still, but the underlying passion keeps me going, and after each lesson, I am always glad I went. He is very good at what he does; in addition to what I learn about my voice, I learn something about myself every time I go, something that is beyond singing...it's crazy! I am finally to the point where I dare to tell (a few select) people about my lesson, and I have even sung in two different "recitals" now. My goal now is to figure out what my real GOAL here is. Sounds funny, but it's time for my original goal of rediscovering a past passion to mature and grow wings.

I allowed myself a few other "enjoyments," like an occasional massage, hot yoga and other exercise, and traveling. The hardest part with all of this was not feeling guilty for doing so much for myself. I had to keep remembering that if I am an empty vessel, I have nothing to give. One thing I wanted for my children, especially my daughters, is for them to see that life doesn't end when you get married and start a family. I hadn't been a good example of this for them, and I knew I needed to change that before it was too late, so I pushed myself to keep going, keeping good checks and balances--asking my husband on a regular basis if I was being selfish on one side of the spectrum, and gauging my stress level on the other side. If I felt a lot of stress from my routine, I knew I wasn't allowing myself enough enjoyment and personal release.

Speaking of release, this is where it gets exciting! Two things happened at this point. First, I felt myself come alive again. I started feeling excited about each day, and that was a little bit scary but also really exciting! The other thing was in the form of a supplement called Product B. There is a lot to these little capsules that I take twice a day, but to keep it simple, it addresses "telomere shortening" and supports youthful aging. Remember my metabolism issue? In all of the research I had heard before Product B, the main thing that hinders successful weight loss is this "metabolism issue." I started taking it, and for 18 months I noticed "little things" here and there but with no sign of weight loss... but then... it just started to fall off!

When I noticed that things were changing with my medication levels (last December, 2012), I started  to give it one more effort. I found an accountability coach who would monitor my weight and my fat loss together. She gave me a few guidelines on how to eat--never go longer than 3-4 hours, cut down on sugar, drink lots of water, and always include a protein. I found that I because I had rediscovered a passion for life and because I had detached myself from my addiction to stress, I was able to switch my joy in food to joy in life! When I have cravings, I can analyze the urges and decide what it is that I am really needing: water, rest, exercise, a change of scenery... and sometimes I really just "need" the food that I am wanting, but way less of it than I used to think I needed.

I am now 35 pounds lighter than I was a year ago. This is so exciting for me, but what is really exciting is that I am starting to believe that I really deserve to be this weight. I still have a few mental blocks. I still have a slight anxiety when shopping for clothes. I still focus too much on certain parts of my body that I would like to change, but I am much better at being able to redirect my thoughts and actually feel comfortable BEING me.

Here are some "BEFOREs"

 graduating with my associates degree from Dixie State College, May 2012

Good to Great training with David Wood, 

Thatch Caye, Beliz, December 2012

And some "AFTERs"

 family photos, December 2013

 

Florence, Italy, November 2013

Enjoy the Season I Am In

I read a blog once that mentioned that while there is a plethora of blogs by mommies of little kids--mom tips, mom brags, mom frazzles due to tantrums and such, etc--there is a lack of similar mom blog rallies among moms of teens and adult children. I don't spend a lot of time searching for such a community of blog moms, but I don't doubt that these statistics are true. Motherhood becomes a whole new playground as kids gain independence, diversity, agency, etc. Their situations are often quite personal and not something they want blasted over the World Wide Web. I can also understand that the years spent "raising" teenagers is so time consuming and ever so much more exhausting that not many have the energy to cleverly document the goings on of each day.

Part of me feels like it would be a good idea to somehow share (albeit discretely) the pains and sorrows  and simple glimpses of joy that come from "middle mom-hood." I feel like I want to attempt it somehow. Maybe it is a form of therapy for myself. Who knows? I just know throughtout the time I spent enjoying my kids when they were young (pre teen or even pre tween), I also spent time wishing they could ¨just be older" because life would be "so much easier" when they could do things for themselves. Now I know that I would have been much better off JUST enjoying the season I was in. I am pretty sure that same wisdom applies to now and forever.

Lately I have been fasting every Sunday (personal preference, not doctrine) for my son and for myself to be able to handle his choices as the Savior would. This morning I awoke not wanting to fast--feeling like it was pointless to do so, not wanting to "get my hopes up." When I feel that way, I know that I definitely need to fast that day, so I put on my big girl pants and did it anyway... Today I went to church alone. I am in California with two of my adult kids and their "significant others"--my 18 year old son with his 17 year old fiancé and my 20 year old daughter with her hopefully-someday-to-be fiancé--and they chose not to come to church with me. They take vacation very literally while I take the Sabbath very seriously... I cried all through the opening song, the Sacrament song, and the Sacrament itself.  I'm not sure why, other than that I was fasting. I remember watching tears fall from my Grandma's eyes during Sacrament meeting when I was young and wondering what they were about. I think I understand now. Kids not only bring an indescribable joy, but they also can bring a sorrow beyond the understanding of anyone other than a mother. It's love. After church, as I drove the daunting Southern California freeways, I tuned my satellite radio into BYURadio (which I LOVE) and listened to an interview with Richard and Linda Eyre. They are professional writers/lecturers/teachers on PARENTING, (www.valuesparenting.com) and if coveting was not a sin, I would covet the parenting skills of Linda Eyre. Anyways, here are a few of the key quotes that I took away from that interview that I felt spoke straight to me in my current motherhood moment:

We are all either just leaving a crisis, in the middle of the crisis, or just entering into a crisis. To me, this basically reminded me that I am not alone in my struggles.  Every one of us has her own set of trials and challenges. This little reminder was soon followed by

God cares more about our character than our comfort, which pretty much means that I should remember to look at the BIG PICTURE and be grateful for every challenge because I am growing my character!

Parenting is a calling you are never released from. This is not necessarily comforting (I'm partly kidding) unless I can remember that the moment will pass and that in the "end" everything will be good. 

Our children are eternal souls who come to us with their own personality already in place. We are here to teach them and to love them, but not to choose for them. For this reason, we cannot let ourselves feel guilty for their choices if we have loved them and have done all that we knew how to do. 

Adult children have adult problems. Because we are parents forever, this is again not necessarily a comforting statement, BUT we need to remember that while we are still their parents and while they still need our love and support, their problems are their problems and we cannot let them affect our happiness. I know this as a truth, but I will not promise to not feel at least a little bit of heart pain over it. I will just accept this as a given and make sure I keep myself strong enough to handle it.

Think of it as a remarkable stewardship. There is a reason why these kids were sent to you. I have actually heard this several times, both before I reached the season of mom-sorrow due to my own kids' choices and now several times now that I am smack dab in the middle of the season. It is one of those statements that makes sense to me at a cognitive level but that hasn't yet sunk deep into my heart and soul. I often find myself musing about what I could have done better...but that leads me back to my original statement of ENJOY THE SEASON. Just as I could not wish away the season of needy toddlers (nor would I have, even if I could have. Why would I want to miss out on all the miracles and cuteness that also come with that stage?!), I cannot wish myself back into that stage. My tweenage, teenage, and adult kids are all amazing creatures. I am humbled and often overwhelmed by the fact that I am their mom. During the tough moments, I need to make sure I remember to see them as eternal beings and be grateful that I get to have them in my life.

Truth, Jung, and "Collective Conscious"

Truth is truth. It just is. We can choose to not believe it, but whether we believe it or not, it's still truth. Truth is all encompassing, and by it all things were created.

I'm learning about Carl Jung (among other founding psychoanalytic theorists) in my psychology classes, and although I don't connect with all of his ideas, he certainly has created a thought process for me. He believed in what he called "the collective unconscious," which is, by loose definition, a storehouse of archaic remnants inherited from our ancestral past (psychic inheritance) which contain "deposits of the constantly repeated experiences of humanity." I interpret this to mean that there are little pieces of thought energy floating around in the universe from every thought ever thought throughout eternity. As Dave has learned through intense study and then has explained to me, energy never dies, nor does it disappear; it just changes forms. (I guess this is physics, too, right?) As members of the Church of Jesus Christ, we believe that before our spiritual bodies were created, we existed as intelligences--little particles of energy in space that were attracted to each other to form a body of intelligence, which then became spirit, which then had the opportunity to choose further progression on earth, and if this progression was chosen, this spirit body of intelligence was then given a body of flesh and bones--and a mind, which I interpret to be that original body of intelligence. But then, even with all of the billions of bodies that have been formed, and all of the worlds that been created and populated, there is still an infinite amount of intelligence, or energy, in the vastness of space, that will not only never end, but also will never die...

Do I make sense so far? I'm not sure I can write it as I "see" it or "feel" it...

But anyways, Dave has also taught me that "thoughts are things." More correctly, thoughts are energy, and if that is the case, they never die or disappear. I imagine them as little particles of light that shoot either into or out of our minds at a speed faster than light, and if that be the case, then Jung's idea of a collective conscious is not that far off. We--meaning all mankind--are connected by thought. There must be some kind of attraction system (which Dave has explained to me that there is, which is known as vibration frequency) that filters thought processes, making some thoughts available to some and others available to others. Maybe available isn't the right word, because it seems all energy (thoughts) can be available and shared with everyone, depending on the frequency at which they vibrate. AND we can tune in more clearly and even learn to change our frequency as we increase our knowledge...

This is really deep, and while I understand it to a certain point, my understanding is not to the point of being able to explain it clearly, but it can be studied. If you would like to know more about what I am trying to explain, here is a really great video by Bob Proctor. He explains it well.

Bob Proctor on the Secret

I wanted to at least mention this so that I can better illustrate my own thought processes of late:

In class on Thursday, we watched a short movie about Jung. There was time in his life that he traveled the world, and he observed people and their cultures, rituals, beliefs, and behaviors. One of his most intriguing observations (in my book) was that every culture was, albeit different, similar! Some of their beliefs and rituals were so similar, in fact, that he said they were almost identical! Yet, these cultures had never met, never had human influence on each other. One of the interesting things I noticed was that all of the cultures featured in the video displayed some version of kneeling and folding their arms while praying or addressing their version of a supreme being.  This simple idea opened thought and understanding to a whole new level for me: here was yet another proof that there is a God. We all are connected through Him. We share a certain knowledge or remembering of something we knew collectively in a life before this earthly existence. In my own mind, I imagined little flashes of thought energy flashing in and out of the minds of every human being, igniting the pieces of spiritual memory within each one of us, and then leaving us to decide what we will do with that remembering. I feel like if we choose to connect with that collective thought, our energy vibrations will begin to match the vibration of the thought and all bits of energy and knowledge that vibrate at that same frequency will come together to reveal a deeper, more complete version of the knowledge, until all knowledge is revealed to us, line upon line, precept on precept. I'm not saying this is exactly how it works--this explanation is at best scratching the surface--but it makes sense to me.

There are so many theories on every possible life subject, and as I expose myself to more and more theories, it feels like there is an element of truth in all of them, as in the psychoanalytic theories that I am currently learning. In my opinion, the idea of the collective mind added to what I understand about eternal life, through my knowledge of the gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, explains why this is so. We all came from the same place, we all share a common pre-earth existence, and there is a collective conscious that contains our memories and gives us sparks of memory. When one person allows himself to ponder on his or her thoughts, his understanding expands and theories form. Whether we realize it or not, we are all trying to figure out why we are here and where we are going.

William Wordsworth explains it this way:

“Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:

The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,

Hath had elsewhere its setting,

And cometh from afar:

Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come”

As a member of the church, I am grateful for my own understanding of the Holy Ghost, and for the very gift of this constant guide who will lead me to the truth if I allow myself to remain faithful, or in other words, if I keep my energy vibrating at a frequency that is congruent to that of the Spirit of Truth. 

Baby Brag Time!!

So, I've actually been trying to compose a blog post of the thoughts I have been having over the past few weeks, but it is hard to put them all into words without sounding either too didactic or really negative or just plain confusing or boring even. I have placed it on hold for now--it may or may not actually make the blog roll cut--because I have much more exciting things to post:

Lukas Thuranira Limiri can now be introduced to the world!!! So excuse me while I purge the anxiousness I have had bottled up from all of these photos and videos that I have not been allowed to post!!!

Of course this is not all that I have, but here are just a few of the "Lukas firsts" that I never got to brag about:

The first I ever got to see him. It was a photo texted to me by Daddy George because I wasn't allowed to see him or Mommy yet (because of the c-section). I was dying out in the waiting room.

First time Mekenze got to hold him. It was at least two hours after he was born. I kept insisting until the nurse finally brought him in. It was such a precious moment! I couldn't help but get choked up a bit.

First family photo... 

First cutest close up ever!

Grandma JuJu's first hold!!!!

Just...look at those lips!

First time I got to see his eyes open. Aren't they gorgeous??

First bath

I love baby feet!  Look how long his witto feetsies are!

First visit to Grandma and Grandpa's house (1 week old)

First time meeting Great Grandma Delna!

Just a cute Daddy and little Dude photo. George is consoling him after a bath. 

He does not like being cold! 

First cuddle in Grandma & pa's bed

First comb over :)

Chilling with Mommy on the floor. I love how they are looking at each other.

First time playing with Uncle Karter. They're playing "tummy time."

Look at him look at me! He knows who JuJu is!!
(JuJu is one of the African language names for Grandma--it's Kimeru--which is George's native dialect. I think it's cute! In Swahili--another language he speaks-- the word for grandma is "NyaNya." It also means tomato... )

I have to share a fun story. My brother (Matt) and sister-in-law(Jenn) have a daughter who is just 3 months younger than Mekenze. Her name is Chevia (Shu-Vay). She and Mekenze were expecting their first babies just a day apart. We all thought it would be fun if the cousins would be born the same day. Chevia had been having false labor for a few days, dilated to 3 and such, and Mekenze had no real indication that she was going to deliver ... until her water broke. She went into the hospital August 30, and Lukas was born on the morning of the 31st. Soon after he was born, I received a text that Chevia was going into the hospital. Her baby girl, Eloise, was born later that same day!!! 

It was a Gates family baby fest!

I still haven't seen this sweet girl, but her pictures are adorable!! 

I mean, seriously!!

Matt adores babies, and he never really got to have a newborn of his own (he met Chevia when she was 2), so this is precious!!!

Isn't this a sweet family!!! 

Excuses, Excuses!

So, I don't have any real excuses for the lack of blog over the past 3 1/2 weeks, other than that my thoughts have been consumed with either school or Lukas (the cutest baby on the planet who just so happens to be my grandson). School is amazing, yet the hardest I've experienced thus far, which doesn't leave much time for blogging, or even thinking about what to blog, for that matter. One of the reasons that this semester is harder MIGHT BE that I feel like I am in a sort of alter universe now that there is a baby in my heart that didn't come from my own body. I want to hold him always and just watch his every move, but I can't.  He lives in Vegas! And there are other life responsibilities that would keep me from traveling to Las Vegas every day--you know how it goes... ;)

In Africa there is a tradition that suggests that exposing a new baby to the world (other than family and close friends) is not in the best interest of the child. For that reason, I have not been able to blast this blog with the many many adorable pictures of him. That time is coming soon, however, so beware!!

I am feeling very anxious right now! It could be that I have a scary test in less than an hour. It is the first test for Spanish Lit--a class I totally love because it involves two of my loves, language and literature, but that is so hard right now! Or it could be that Dave and I booked a trip to Europe to go visit Arielle and Braxton!!!! We fly out October 30 (and yes, we will miss Halloween with the other kids... is that so wrong?) and we come home November 9. This is a serious realization of a dream! It could also be ... I don't even know... so many things going on inside of me right now!  The holidays are coming, Curtis is soon to turn 18, Mady is soon to drive, Karter just keeps getting older and life keeps spinning faster.

So of course this isn't a clinical type of anxiety, but I am feeling anxious, nonetheless. I just need to be able to label my thoughts and feelings so that I can translate, recognize and categorize them, and then put them to rest.

But now it is time to take a test! Buena suerte a mí!

The Other Side of Motherhood...

I really did not know what to expect when I realized that one day --soon-- I would be waiting at a hospital with Mekenze (and, of course, her husband George!) as she has her first baby, my first grand baby. I knew it would be special and hard, but I just never could have imagined exactly how special and especially how hard...

I remember my mom saying my first labor was "the hardest labor she ever experienced..." I was thinking, "um, how?! You can't want to switch places with me right now..." But now I can say that yes, in a way, she probably did! It's hard to watch your daughter wrench in pain and cry out as she realizes that the hardest about having a baby will not be hunger pangs... And as each hour and a half only brings tiny bits of progress, it seems to her that she might be doomed to this forever. In some ways, I really do wish I could do it for her. But not even the most enabling of mothers could take this pain away. It's hers and hers alone. 

I remember one really long night, just weeks before Mekenze (my first) was born. I remember being so afraid of the unknown! I couldn't sleep, so I turned to the scriptures. I don't remember if I fell upon the verses about the Savior in the Garden of Gethsemane or if I searched for them on purpose, but I vividly remember feeling the Spirit so strong as I realized that the Savior knew how I felt!! He groaned at the pain He had to endure, even would that the cup could be removed from Him, but He had agreed to suffer it because He loves us that much. I knew there was no way out of childbirth once I had agreed to enter in, and even though I wished somehow it could all just pass, the intense love that I felt at that moment was far greater than the fear. 

The joy is totally worth the pain!! 

And today that love is intensified as it is being magnified through my daughter...

In just a few short hours, Baby Lukas will be here!!! I can't wait to hold him!!!

I need to say something about George. He is always very caring, very concerned, and very respectful, but it's been neat to watch him develop a whole new respect for Mekenze...and for his own mother. He thought this would be just a couple hours and voila!! As the pain has increased, he has grown somber. He even said "if kids knew that their moms went through all this to have them, they'd be nicer to them." 

I thought it was profound. 

****

I thought this was the end of the labor and delivery part of this blog entry, but the nurse just came into the room and have us bad news. Mekenze hasn't progressed more than a centimeter on the past few hours. Her water broke 16 hours ago. The baby is starting to get distressed, so they need to so a c-section...

Mekenze went into a little moment of shock--no emotion, pale face--and then she began to cry. She is upset. Mostly scared, I think. I know everything will be ok, but I wish Dave could be here to give her a blessing. George doesn't have the Melchizedek priesthood yet. Iys 4am and there is no one we know to call who could get here in time. George offered a prayer before the doctor came and wheeled her into the operating room... 

And now we wait... They said at least 2 hours until I can see her... 

Since this is NOT a food blog....

Although I can think of at least a couple close friends and family who totally COULD do it, I am in no way qualified to create a blog totally dedicated to food! So...let's get back to my random though process. :) I'm totally qualified at RANDOM-ness!

My thoughts today are centering around CHOICES. The quality of my life is directly proportionate to the quality of the choices that I make -- every day! A totally simple concept, yet oh so difficult for some to fully comprehend.

I had a conversation with my daughter awhile back. She was dealing with some difficult friend challenges. Without compromising trust, I'll just say that she is at the age where friends start making different types of choices, which in turn creates the choice for her between friends and goals. She has some pretty solid goals that require a lot of time commitment and mental energy, and even though those goals are quite solid in her life vision, it's hard to know what to do when you realize you may lose the constant companionship of some of the people who have been a hugely important part of your life for a really long time! (15 years is an eternity to a teenager)

I explained to her  (or rather reminded her) that she needs to look at what she wants today and what she really wants her life to be like in the future and decide what she wants more. She is a strong girl and really wise beyond her years, so she immediately replied with the ever popular teen phrase "I know, Mom..."--and I know that she really does know (which isn't the case for all teens who use that response), but what I said next seemed to really get to her:

(Of course I don't remember exactly what I said, so I'll paraphrase)

If you look at the life you have now, the life that Dad and I have given you, it's pretty great, isn't it? We have basically everything we want, and even more importantly, we are happy! We have an amazing, strong family. We are healthy; we get along; Dad and I love and respect each other; we have talents that we get to develop... We have a GREAT LIFE! Do you think that all of this is an accident? I will tell you right now that NO, it is in no way an accident.

When I was your age, I made choices. I knew what I wanted in life, so I chose very carefully how I was going to spend my time and who I was going to spend my time with. I had a lot of friends--because I chose to be kind to everyone and look for the good in them, even those who weren't always easy to like--but I didn't "hang out" with very many people. I wanted to go to college, and I knew that the only way I could go was if I worked really hard to get good grades and get a scholarship. I also had a job, starting at age 12, that limited how much time I had to "waste." Even more than that, I knew that I wanted an eternal family. I wanted to be married in the temple to someone who was worthy, which meant that I had to make sure that I was worthy. And because I made these goals my priority, it created a natural separation between me and others who did not have those same goals. Or maybe they did have those goals--in more of a mystical wish form--but they let day to day pleasure get in the way. I can't judge, and for many I have no idea how their lives are now, but I do know some who don't have the life that I have now.  

Dad made choices. He sacrificed 2 of his "prime" years to serve a mission, when many of his friends and even siblings were making opposite choices. When he got home, he had the opportunity to play baseball on a semi-pro team and maybe even eventually on a pro team, but he knew that what he wanted most was an eternal family. When he felt prompted to leave his team in California and move to Utah to play baseball (what pro teams are in Utah...??), he immediately did! He went to the temple every week to get inspiration on which direction his life should go, and it was only a matter of months before he met me and we were married. He has always been faithful to his decision to be a husband and father, and he has worked HARD from day one to provide a good life for us. He sacrificed his free time and many things that he enjoyed to make sure I could stay at home and be Mom. After 15 years of being a mechanic, he sacrificed his comfort zone of being a mechanic to pursue Isagenix because he knew that spending a small amount of time in discomfort could in turn create the life he has always wanted to live. And we are living it!!  It is not by accident! Everything we enjoy in our life--not just money, but EVERYTHING--is ON PURPOSE!

I'm not sure if you realize that, even though we do have a great earthly life, it is Eternal Life that is our true goal. That is what keeps us going. That is what allows us to enjoy personal revelation about which path to take, which decisions to make. We seek to know and understand the laws that Heavenly Father has given to us, and then we do our best to live those laws. That is why we have the life that we do. We are happy because we love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and we allow them to bless us by being choosing to be obedient.


It seems really simple, but choices are sacrifices, and the choices we make really make all the difference.